Douchebag

In Douchebags, Popular by JLeave a Comment

What is it about a douchebag that makes you want to squeeze his cheeks and hug him to death? Like it or not, women love a good douchebag (oxymoronic, I know). In fact, the more of a douchebag you are, the more success you’ll have with women. It works like this (you got to witness this awesome graph in my previous post):

Again, don’t overdo it and fall past the Ideal Range. If you do fall by accident, just hit on her friends. She’ll get jealous and want you back. I know what you’re thinking, “Even if this is all true, what self-respecting guy would actually want to be called a jerk?” Well, since you asked… I surveyed 100 dudes and asked them if they would rather have a girl turn them down saying, “You’re nice but…” or “Sorry, I don’t date jerks.” Of those surveyed 40% of them said they would prefer to be turned down for being a jerk. The other 60% said they would rather remain virgins. In case you have trouble reading:

People seem astonished that anyone would rather be called a jerk than a decent human being (sex is a powerful tool, my friend), but that isn’t even the interesting part. Coincidentally, the group of dudes that preferred to be called a jerk is made up mostly of men who get dates easily. The other group have only 60 testicles between them. Another coincidence? Nope. Time to get into why this works.

Douchebags employ some of the most effective sex-getting tools known to man like the backhanded compliment and not calling/texting. The reason why these tools work so effectively comes down to the way the female mind works. Women don’t like extremes, like a guy who is too nice or one that is too much of a jerk. Woman prefer a guy who is balanced and somewhere in the middle. Women also don’t like to be happy and will sabotage any chance at happiness or stability. I realize this doesn’t make any sense, but we all know women are not logical creatures. After meeting a guy, women begin pushing him towards one of the extremes (i.e., if the guy seems nice, she will push him toward the nice extreme or vice versa for jerks). Once the guy gets too close to either extreme, she will lose interest and move on. This is where two of the douchebag’s primary tools come into play – the backhanded compliment and not communicating. The backhanded compliment keeps the interest level fluctuating between the Nice Zone and Douchebag Zone to maintain her interest. Not calling/texting has a similar effect. A picture might help illustrate this phenomenon:

Remember, the more fluctuations you can cause, the faster you’ll get to the sex ribbon. For best results, do not handle with any kind of care.

There are other reasons why a douchebag will make a caring and loving partner. He is egotistical, pushy, and self-centered. Somehow in the mind of a woman, those two things connect. I’ll attempt to explain. A guy who has those traits, is perceived as confident, assertive, and and doesn’t have self-esteem issues. Remember the comic ‘Clear Intentions?’ How could you not? It was the awesomest comic ever made (it even brought Claire Lewicki to tears of laughter). What I was explaining in that comic is that a douchebag:

  1. Makes his intentions clear = Sets himself on the right lane
  2. Talks about sex with a girl = Creates a romantic spark
  3. Is forward = Has confidence
  4. Is self-centered = Has self-esteem

I can hear the lame dudes now, “But it’s rude to talk about sex in front of a woman or push yourself on her.” Blah… blah… Women like it if you go after what you want and don’t care what people think. At the very least, a woman needs to know you’re interested in being more than just friends. Don’t forget, women actually associate willingly with people that they wouldn’t sleep with. As a guy, I realize this is hard to grasp.

And then there’s the therapy aspect. A woman’s place is in the home, so naturally women are attracted to the caretaking project that is the douchebag. Douchebags need therapy and someone to fix them. This challenge appeals to every woman’s mothery side.

Now you know why a douchebag is so cute, so go to the nearest mirror and practice your douchebagery or find a douchebag and emulate him. And so you’re aware: calling a guy a douchebag is always helping his case. Don’t tell a girl a guy is a douchebag unless you want her to sleep with him immediately. If you’re trying to keep a girl from sleeping with a guy, call him short or needy instead. If you see a girl and are not sure if you should be a jerk (i.e., if you want to date her or not), stay tuned for my 3 part relationship series. I will describe relationships and give you tools for evaluating a prospect and seeing if she’s worth the time and effort.

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