Relationships: Part III – Investing Your Manhood

In Instructional, Theories, Women by J0 Comments

In the second part, we covered how to tell if a woman is good enough for you. For the times when one woman just isn’t enough (basically, every time), and you want multiple relationships, I’m going to give you tips on how to invest in different women and diversify your portfolio, all in an effort to maximize sexy time.

INVESTMENTS

So you want to have as much sex as possible? The best way to go about this is to know about investing and use it to your advantage. There are two basic types of investments in the dating world:  Short and Long Term.

LONG TERM – Require more time to sleep with but not necessarily more effort. Save these for a rainy day.

Girlfriend – Yes, a girlfriend is a type of investment. Like a bond, girlfriends are almost guaranteed sources of sex? They are safe and boring, doing their job and not much more. Just don’t cash in (marry), or that’s last time you will ever see sex again. Also, having a girlfriend has the miraculous effect of making women around you want you to invest your goods in them, if you know what I mean?

Future – This is the girl you will sleep with at a future date. The day you nail her and her price are decided when you first meet. One example is the classic Girl-Who-Is-Attempting-To-Lose-Weight-At-The-Gym (GWIATLWATG for short). She has the potential to be really hot but is a long way off.  And even though you know she will never achieve that goal, you still encourage her with the occasional, “Good for you, hun!” It’s a relatively cheap investment, and the reward is HUGE (no pun intended), should she ever actually reach her goal. With every compliment and motivational line you feed her (again, no pun intended), you invest a little more and will reap the benefits when she’s done. The pre-agreed date is when she reaches 110lbs, and her price is her Hypotenuse Number based on her current self-esteem (not her future hot-self, self-esteem).

SHORT TERM – Sleep with almost immediately

The Rebound – A Rebound option has the best Put Out of the short term investments but comes with a high risk. These are the women who are in the dumps due to a bad break up, being widowed or a recent divorce (cheating husband is the ideal case). Considering she’s female, there’s already a 99% chance that she’s crazy and being in such a heartbroken state, so soon after a break up will put her over-the-top. Although, the broken state also means she will do almost anything to get back at her ex, and revenge sex is awesome! Just make sure she doesn’t know where you or your family live, if you want to minimize losses.

GAB – Girl At the Bar is the second most popular of the short term investments. Many men choose this alternative over the Rebound option, because this one is a lot less volatile. They also typically don’t want it to be Long Term and are trashed, so you can score someone out of your range (everyone wins!).

OPTIONS – Can be exercised once certain criteria are met

FWB – A Friends With Benefits option is one of the best options out there. You can exercise her if your girlfriend goes out of town or is long distance for any number of reasons. You can also exercise her if your girlfriend gets old, pregnant or fat.

BUG – A Back Up Girl option is another type of replacement option. You can exercise this girl if your girlfriend breaks up with you, or if you know you’re going to break up with her soon. These are generally more volatile than a Girlfriend and can snap at any moment (probably because you’re using her for sex).

Synthetic option – One of my favorite options. You can exercise this one when you need a change of scenery or as an alternative option to the FWB if your girlfriend gets old and/or saggy. Synthetics can be used to increase the value of your girlfriend or make a plain girl hot. Use the excel sheet and see what an increase in cup size will do to her value.

HEDGE – This is what brings it all together

An investment intended to balance potential decreases to the amount of sex that may be incurred by your girlfriend’s absence, depreciation, or craziness. The main point in hedging is to not have to go long periods of time without getting laid. Having a girlfriend is fine and all, but what if she breaks up with you? Goes out of town? Pledges a celibacy oath? Or worse, turns 30!? The thought alone makes me shudder. You need to make sure you have backup plans in place, so there’s no interruption in sex, bro.

Take a look at my current portfolio:

Portfolio

There are many more types of investments and options out there. These are just a few examples to get you started on the right path of investing your manhood. Be creative, but always remember to diversify!

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