Relationships: Part II – Valuing her Assets

In Instructional, Theories, Women by JLeave a Comment

Since you insist on making yourself miserable, I’m at least going to give you some tools to make the relationship experience as painless as possible. What are bros for? By applying financial principles, you can evaluate a woman to see if she’s a good choice. Without further ado, I present Relationships: Part II – How to Choose a Buddy. Oh and remember, It’s not objectification if it’s scientifically proven.


I spent countless, sleepless nights developing a formula to evaluate a woman on all possible dimensions to see if you should date her (the “Is she worth it” sheet can be found at the end of this section). Those dimensions include her Bust, Waist and Hips, which should be 36-18-33. Seriously though, there’s more to a women than her boob to waist ratio. I can’t believe anyone would judge a woman using something so superficial… what jerks. I’m using FINANCE to evaluate women.

Return on Investment – How much you’re getting from the girl versus how much you’re putting into her (yea, I did). This number only takes the girl into account, in case you two are indeed the last people on Earth, and you’re deciding if you want to be with her or the last surviving cow (you laugh now, but listening to this all day will make any man wonder).

Present Value – It is her value today based on how many better options you have, what you two have in common, how much you like her friends and family and how much you trust that she won’t sleep with your best friend. All the stuff no one really cares about, but I’m forced to calculate anyway. Oh, and how big her boobs are. A large rack can make even the worst girl worth more than gold. Don’t believe me? Check out the excel sheet.

Opportunity Cost – This is the cost of not staying single or boning her friend instead of her. Before you even consider the value of the girl, sit down and think about what other options you have. Consider how many other women are available (roommates, for example), how much free time and energy you have to go on the prowl, how easy it is for you to get laid, how many Rufies you have left in your secret stash, if you have time to prepare your own meals or need a woman to make sandwiches for you. They don’t have anything else they’re qualified to do, so letting her be your girlfriend and cook for you will make you a feminist, which creates more opportunities. This is called ‘thinking outside the box.’

To determine what goes into a chick’s value, I surveyed tons of dudes and had them tell me what they like or don’t like in girls they’ve met. After carefully analyzing hundreds or responses, I put everything into two groups: Assets (easy to remember) and Liabilities.

Assets – The few things about a girl that make all the nagging worth it. This mostly consists of sex but can also be her cooking ability, hot friends, hot sister, cup size, etc… You can look at the excel sheet to see them all. Remember that assets don’t last forever and depreciation will set in.

Depreciation – Once she hits 30, all of her great qualities will slowly (or not so slowly) disappear. Her value decreases, because she gets old, your tolerance for listening to her constant talking and complaining (especially true once you are married and no longer having sex) will wear down and she will inevitably get pregnant and gain weight.

Liabilities Liabilities are all of the negative aspects of a girl that you will constantly need to support. Again, take a look at the tree on the excel sheet. Unlike assets, liabilities don’t decrease, so as she’s losing all of her positive qualities, the negative ones will stay… some food for thought.

I attached an excel sheet, which will perform all of the complex calculations for you. The things you need to fill out are the three ‘Miscellaneous’ statements, the type of environment you’re in (i.e., how many women you can get with ease), and the assets and liabilities (ranked 0-10). Then you can mess around with the number of years to see if she gets better or worse with time.

The One

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