Ever meet someone and think, “We have so much in common!”? You proceed to meet someone completely different, in both look and personality and again, think, “It’s crazy! We have a lot in common!” You go on to meet someone new with whom you coincidentally “share so many interests!” It’s not a coincidence. No, you’re not just really lucky and met your third soul mate in one week. No. In all likelihood, you met 0 soul mates this week. That’s just the desperation talking. The only thing you have in common is that you need to get laid, and there is a small chance that she might let you. Once you get laid, your eyes open, and you no longer have anything in common. That’s why relationships start to crumble into a miserable pit of nagging after 2 months. That, and New Toy Syndrome 1 – True story.
Desperation will wreck you. It impairs your sense of judgment worse than alcohol. Your standards begin to slowly (or not so slowly) disintegrate. Criteria related to personality and intelligence are the first to go, followed by your eyesight. The threshold gets lower and lower until you have a moment of panic, and shame forces you to change:
Eventually, every woman begins to look like this:
It’s easy to see how every heterosexual male can get confused and think he has a lot in common with this woman. As I write this, I’m feeling a strong connection with her too. I feel like we’re the same person, like we’ve been searching for each other our entire lives. What was I talking about, again? Oh right, don’t fall into the tunnel vision trap. It can be extremely hazardous to your health to ignore everything above and below that picture.
Another reason to steer clear is that hot women will steer clear of you. Women can smell desperation on you like a lion can smell fear, a shark, blood… You get the picture. Instead of biting you though, they’ll leave you to… bite… yourself… at night. This analogy sounded much better in my head. You’re probably wondering why I don’t just delete it and type something better. One – this site is free. Two – the delete key is too far.
Now, how to snap out of it or avoid it altogether? There is actually an important, difficult-to-pronounce, scientific term that describes the state of not being desperate and having your vision firmly in place. It’s called confidence. Unless you’re me, there’s a whole process to go through to reach that state. I’m going to blow your mind and detail the entire cycle for you:
Desperation – During this step, you magnify the things that match and ignore the ones that don’t. When things get especially bad (like two weeks without sex bad), you just make stuff up that you have in common like… you both breathe air!
Penetrating Cleanse – Usually the point when you have sex… or realize you’re never going to… with just her… hopefully. If the latter is the case, go back to the beginning of the cycle. If things go well, the desperation evaporates in a steamy release.
Panic – Describes the feeling of waking up in a cold sweat and having your eyes truly open for the first time. Imagine waking up next to this…
…when you went to sleep next to this.
Reflection – Promise yourself you’ll never let it get this bad again. EXCEPT! None of your friends saw her, so you can lie about how hot she was! Plus, you just had sex! High five!
Confidence – Nailing women has the side effect of making you confident… which helps you get laid again… which gives you more confidence… which helps you get laid even more… Hopefully, you see where I’m going with this. If you play your cards right, she’ll let you go all in. It will eventually lead to the awesome state of bangvana.
Here are some useful tips for getting over desperation in a safe, healthy way with dignity intact, and, more importantly, get you started on your way to bangvana:
- Sleep with someone attractive;
- Sleep with someone ugly and lie about how hot she was to your friends; 2
- Sleep with someone… anyone;
- Get a cool new haircut;
- Stop being desperate, bro.
I am the first to admit when I don’t know something. I didn’t have any tips to help women get over desperation (mostly because things are less complicated when they are, and this site is basically dedicated to women who are), but this is an equal opportunity blog! I surveyed women from all over the world, and the top 6 answers are on the board:
- Get married;
- Sabotage a friend’s wedding;
- Boob job;
- Wait until Valentine’s Day is over;
- Stop being over 30;
- Don’t be overweight.
And there you have it – knowledge about desperation and a one step recovery process. Remember, knowing is half the battle. And you didn’t even have to pay to see a Psychiatrist!
Legendarily Awesome© contains information on many medical topics; however, it does not claim to be a licensed physician nor guarantee the accuracy of the medical information contained herein. The articles are not written by medical professionals. Legendarily Awesome© cannot substitute the actual advice of a medical professional, except in cases of awesome… or on Halloween… or when I’m picking up women while wearing scrubs.
1 New Toy Syndrome – Think back to a time when you got a new toy or gadget. At first, you eagerly want to explore every feature. The problem is once you have, that’s it. It’s the same with people. I guess you can buy a copy of Sex Positions for Dummies and extend it to three months, but why bother? You could’ve slept with 30 other women during that time, bro… except for February. 🙁
2 It must have actually happened, bro. You can’t lie about the act entirely, just the hotness.