Astrology – Banging by the Stars

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What if I told you I knew someone, who if they told women to sleep with you, the women would instantly agree? Well, I don’t know anyone like that, but I have the next best thing – Horoscopes!  I’ve discovered a way to use Astrology and irrational thinking to your advantage. I’ve compiled a simple to read list of Astrological nonsense, complete with a sample horoscope. The information can be used to start up conversations and break the ice since all women follow their horoscopes religiously.

I can also create a custom horoscope (similar to the sample) for the hottie of your dreams, and I’ll email a fake horoscope, essentially telling her to let you bang her for 5 minutes or however long it’ll take. There are a myriad of other ways to use this information as well. It really is the gift that keeps on giving. I’ll even send the customized reading from horoscopes@la.com, so it’s extra legit and pushes you that much closer to banging!

HERE IS A SAMPLE

HOROSCOPE: Love is in the air, Sagittarius, and waiting on you! A potential romantic interest will talk to you in the near future. Things will progress intriguingly but only if you are prepared to take initiative and seize the opportunity. There are days to avoid the temptation of rushing, but this is the time to throw caution to the wind! If your mood is free, that spark may lead to fiery passion.

I can also create a “break up” version. That way you can reach hotties in a relationship. It’ll have something about life getting stagnant, relationships holding her back and change helping her move forward with her life and career.*

LUCKY NUMBERS: 19, 12, 84, 5, 7

If all of this wasn’t enough, she’ll even receive a “Love Match,” which is a recommended sign that will “absolutely” lead to mind blowing sex COMPLETELY FREE!

LOVE MATCH: A bond between the Planet-ruled Sign1 and the Planet-ruled Sign2 is ardent, passionate and oftentimes intense. Sign1 exudes sexuality and Sign2 adores the sensual aspect of their bond. These two hit it off so well that others are stunned by their instant chemistry! This stimulating connection is a seductive dance, in which each partner is drawn to each other with alarming intensity. The physical, carnal aspect and the dynamism of this relationship can be the biggest binding factor in this pair. The only downside is if these two will have enough energy to keep up! When the Element and Element come together, Elemental Connection.

Whenever you’re in the mood to get laid, just use the contact form. Be sure to include the chick’s name, sign, email and any numbers related to you or her. You could also just send a really shady horoscope from your own email address, but I wouldn’t recommend it.*

Aquarius Aries Cancer Capricorn Gemini Leo Libra Pisces Sagittarius Scorpio Taurus Virgo

ELEMENTAL CONNECTIONS:

  1. Earth/Water – there is no stronger natural bond.
  2. Earth/Earth – there is no stronger natural bond.
  3. Earth/Fire – earth will be consumed in passion.
  4. Earth/Wind – brace yourself for pure exhilaration.
  1. Fire/Fire – they merge to build a bigger flame.
  2. Fire/Earth – fire consumes earth in passion.
  3. Fire/Water – prepare for steamy passion.
  4. Fire/Wind – prepare to fan the flames of passion.
  1. Water/Water – they meld perfectly and flow into each other.
  2. Water/Wind – prepare for a storm of passion.
  3. Water/Fire – prepare for steamy passion.
  4. Water/Earth – there is no stronger natural bond.
  1. Wind/Wind – prepare for a storm of passion.
  2. Wind/Earth – brace yourself for pure exhilaration.
  3. Wind/Water – prepare for a storm of passion.
  4. Wind/Fire – prepare to fan the flames of passion.

 

*The Astrological information contained in this post is provided as an information resource only. Legendarily Awesome does not guarantee sex of any kind with a thin, overweight, ugly and/or attractive female, male or anything in between.

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