This year you learned:
How to stay out of the Friend Lane
How unattractive women can trick you
Why you date uglies
How to nail the first date
How to take advantage of women
How to NOT
How to avoid herpes with the GirlFax
Which women to watch out for and what a man wants in a women
Why the douchebag isn’t caring, smart, or funny
How to NOT do stupid shit
How to equip confidence
Why wingmen are the best ever
AND last, but not least, you saw the awesomest comic of your life!
…And received FREE date rate forms
Now, I feel it’s finally time I shared my real reason for creating Legendarily Awesome. Currently, the Earth looks like this:
Contrary to what scientists say, the Earth is a cold, unattractive place and getting colder by the second. There is actually a global cooling effect caused by men mating with unattractive women. Right now the mating trends consist of ugly men mating with ugly women, hot men mating with hot women, and ugly women mating with ugly or hot men.
If you followed (i.e., you counted correctly), you see hot people are slowly, but surely dying out. If this trend continues, hot people will become extinct during a new ice age. I for one, could not bring children into a world that ugly. By writing this blog, I was attempting to save the world and give ugly guys a shot with hot women, so we could open the option of ugly men sleeping… I mean mating with hot women and eliminate ugly women mating with hot men:
You’re probably wondering where the unattractive women come in then? Well, considering there are more men than women in the world and not every woman finds a mate, they don’t. Allow me to explain. By teaching the ugly guys how to get hot women, that means the women who don’t find mates will be the ugly ones, instead of the hot unattainable ones staying single. And if that trend continues throughout the generations, then ugliness will finally be extinct! Isn’t this vision beautiful? It’s enough to bring me to tears. Together, we can reverse the trend and help the Earth achieve it’s true attractive potential, so that our descendants will have only hot people to sleep with. If nothing else, do it for the children:
It’s been a great year, but all good things must come to an end. I would like to say thank you and goodbye to all of my readers… I had you going there for a second! The fun doesn’t stop here! There is a whole new year of awesome ahead! We’ll celebrate the greatest holiday ever, delve into the zodiac, learn how to avoid uglies, revisit the douchebag, acquire protips for online dating, and much more!
I hope everyone continues reading and spreading awesome to those around you! See you next blog year, starting with the greatest holiday ever!
PS – Please send me videos and pictures of yourself crying when you thought my blog was over. Thanks!